'He should be here in ten minutes' you thought to yourself as you waited for you boyfriend Alfred.
Today was your six month anniversary, and you were both looking forward to your special date but also very anxious. You were going to have to confront Alfred about something you'd been having a problem with.
The problem was something that had given you minor concern from the beginning; his level of seriousness. You truly loved Alfred for who he was and were happy with him but…there were times when you wished he would get serious; sometimes it felt like your relationship was too shallow because of how erratic he could be. There were times when you tried to set the mood to have a serious conversation with him and he would totally ruin it by telling a joke. On other occasions you would tell him that you loved him and you would get a "Love ya too babe!" or "You too, _________!". You knew that he loved you…you did…but you needed to hear the words on occasion; you needed to know he was serious about your relationship.
Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door; well it was more like erratic pounding but that was just your boyfriend's way of knocking. You shook your head a bit and smiled, answering the door.
You couldn't even finish saying hello before Alfred glomped you and laughed. "Hey ___________! Happy six month anniversary babe." He said, kissing your lips for a moment.
"Happy six month, Alfred…I love you." you said with a smile, nuzzling his chest.
"You too, _____________." America said with a grin.
There it was again….why? Why were those three words so hard for him to get out?
"So Al, you said you were going to let me decide what to do? Is that right?" you asked, making sure you hadn't misunderstood the plans.
"That's right, _____________! This night is whatever you want it to be!" America said with one of his hero laughs.
You smiled softly. "Thank you Al..."
"So what'll it be? Some place fancy? We can totally take a break from McDonald's and I'll pay for everything! We can go out to see a movie or just spend a night out on the town." America beamed.
You reached out and hugged him. "Actually Al…I bought all of our favorite snacks…and I was hoping we could stay here tonight. Just the two of us…"
Since your face was buried in your boyfriend's bomber jacket, you didn't notice the blush that had crept onto his cheeks.
"Sure thing ___________." He said with a smile.
With that you brought Al in and fetched all of your favorite snacks from the kitchen and brought them to your plush couch where Alfred was already totally comfortable.
You couldn't help but allow the corners of your mouth turn upward; he looked so cute…even though you were frustrated with him, you loved your Alfred so much.
"Hey hero." You laughed. "Lookie lookie." You said, setting all of his favorite snacks in his lap.
"Woah! ___________! You're awesome! You really didn't have to do that though." America remarked.
"Sure I did…and I bought you a little something too." You said with a grin, handing him a package.
"____________, you're seriously way too good to me." America said, ripping open the package with the level of excitement comparable to a small child.
Once the package was open, America's eyes widened.
"Dude…it's a freakin' twenty dollar gift card to Denny's!!!!" America shouted. "Dude! I'm gonna buy so many grand slams with this thing! Oh yeah that's the stuff…"
You laughed at his ridiculous excitement. "There's more, Al." you said shaking your head with a smile.
America dug deeper into the tissue paper filled abyss. When he finally found the next gift, his jaw dropped. "Dude….this is the limited addition Superman poster that's almost impossible to get a hold of! There's only like 100 of them right?! ____________, this is too much!"
"Al, I love you like crazy and this day means a lot to me…I wanted to do something special…" you whispered, kissing his cheek.
Your goofy hero smiled back at you and rubbed your cheek with his thumb. "What movie did you pick out for us?"
….no "I love you"….
"Um…I actually picked out some sort of romance movie. I know it's not our normal genre but I just thought maybe we'd go for something different." You said somewhat sheepishly.
"Sounds good to me." Alfred assured you.
You had to say you were totally relieved that Alfred wasn't disappointed as you popped in the romance movie. You felt kind of like a bitch, but you had actually rented a movie with a specific storyline. The girl in the movie loved her boyfriend just like you but was frustrated with his lack of maturity in their relationship and worried over his love for her. It came to a point where the girl decided the two of them needed a break and though it took most of the movie, the boy grew in his maturity and understanding of the girl and eventually the two got back together. You really hoped Al would somehow see himself in the movie…
Before you knew it the end credits began to roll.
You turned to Al who had a strange expression on his face…could it be that he really did see himself?
"So what did you think of the movie?" you inquired with a hint of anxiety.
"It's not what I normally watch but it was good. Dang though…what was up with that guy? Why didn't he tell his girl that he loved her? What an idiot." America huffed, obviously disappointed in the man's behavior.
You sighed. "Yeah…"
There was a pause.
"Hey, can I talk to you about something?" both of you suddenly said in unison.
"Oh, uhhhh, you go first." You both said, once again in perfect sync.
"Um…ok, I'll go first…" you said, wringing your hands. "Al…I'm just…" you sighed. "I'm worried…about us…"
America's eyes widened and his gorgeous blue eyes filled with emotion; god you loved those eyes…they showed everything he was feeling.
"What about us? Is somebody messing with you? If someone is giving you a hard time, I'll do something!" America said, holding your shoulders.
You shook your head. "No Al…it's about you. I wanted to say that I'm worried about your feelings…"
America looked rather dumbfounded as he blinked a few times.
"What I'm saying is that I wonder how much you love me sometimes…you don't seem serious and I get kinda worried is all." You finished, trying to clarify exactly what you meant by your words.
Apparently it wasn't clear enough for your boyfriend.
"W-what do you mean? I-I am serious! I never forget our dates and am always on time! I know a lot about you and never forget what you want at McDonald's or what your favorite movies are!" America whined out, looking rather desperate and confused, his eyes saddening and growing increasingly puppy-like.
Before you could stop yourself, you burst… "You never tell me you love me!!! That's what I'm talking about! You never talk about whether you're serious with me or not! You just drift through our relationship sometimes and I wonder what you're even thinking!"
America's eyes widened in worry and panic as he scrambled hastily to find the right words. "__-____________ i-is that all?"
Fuck…that came out wrong!
"Is that all?! Are you saying that it's not important? Al, I love you!" you cried.
"I feel the same, ______________!" America insisted, trying to hug you.
"Even now you're not saying you love me…" you choked.
"________________...I do love you." America said, trying to lift your chin to look at him.
"Don't tell me that right now…" you barely managed to say.
"_________________, please…" Alfred said with a tone much quieter than usual. "I even bought something for you. Here, I'll give it to you now. Just hold out your hand and—"
"Alfred, stop!" you cried, tears now staining your cheeks. "Can you please just go home for tonight? I…I'll see you soon." You sniffed, kissing his cheek and standing up.
"_______________! Please don't kick me out! I want to talk more! I can be serious!" the blonde pleaded.
"Goodnight Al." you said before going upstairs to your room.
Fuck…you felt horrible…so horrible! Maybe you were too hard on him…were you out of line?
You stayed silent, listening to your front door finally close; the next sound broke your heart. You could hear some very soft sobs coming from outside your house before hearing the sound of a car door closing and the engine starting…finally the headlights of Alfred's car disappeared into the night, no longer shining through your window.
After a few more moments, tears suddenly began pouring from your eyes without warning. You felt so awful…you knew Alfred was feeling horrible right now and probably hating on himself but you really did need to get it off your chest, but you just wished you had been more in control when you said it.
Finally you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to drift off into a sorrow-induced sleep.
"Mnnngh….?" You groaned, when a sudden sound woke you up.
It took you a minute to get a hold on what it was but soon you realized it was your phone ringing and vibrating in your pocket. Looking at the time hurriedly you noticed that you had only been asleep for around 45 minutes.
Looking down at your caller ID you saw that it was Matthew. What could he be calling you for?
"Hello? Matthew?" you said somewhat worriedly.
There was no answer for a minute; the only sound you could hear was what sounded like soft crying.
"Matthew? Are you ok?" you whispered with increasing concern as you sat up.
"N-no…____________...I'm at the hospital." He coughed. "America got in a really bad car accident. He hit his head really hard _____________...he's not doing well."
Your eyes widened and fear shocked every nerve ending in your body. "Matthew! I'll be right there!" you rushed, hanging up the phone and running outside. You didn't give a flying fuck how you looked; Alfred was hurt and you had to be there for him!
You practically flew over to the hospital, willing yourself not to cry all the way there. "Oh god Al…please hang in there for me!" you sobbed out loud in your car as you parked in a hurry at the hospital, taking up two parking spaces that were handicap spaces at that.
You raced to the front desk to get the room number for Alfred and tore through the halls once you had the number, ignoring every single employee who told you not to run in the halls.
Catching sight of the room number, you didn't bother to knock before running in to see Alfred. You should have tried to prepare yourself more….
There was Alfred; your boyfriend and love, bandaged up all over his chest and head, with IVs hooked up to him all over. His face was pale and his breathing was shallow; he looked like he was about to die.
Tears began to flow down your face without you even noticing…
"_____________..." a shy voice spoke, getting your attention.
"Matthew…" you whimpered, weakly walking over to him and hugging him tightly. You both cried…
Never before had either of you seen the confident and strong America looking so weak and fragile, as if he would break at any moment.
"How long has he been out?" you asked after finally managing to collect yourself enough to speak.
"He lost consciousness during the crash so he's been out all this time. They're not sure when he'll wake up…I'm guessing it will be a whi—"
Matthew didn't get to finish when both of you noticed America stirring, moaning in pain and eyes struggling to open.
"Alfred!" you gasped, grasping his hand. "Alfred…I'm here. I'm here." You soothed, stroking his palm.
When America's eyes finally opened, they looked glazed.
"Oh Alfred…I was so scared." You whispered, kissing his cheeks.
You weren't expecting what came next. With absolute alarm, America shoved you up and bolted upright, breathing erratically and looking all around with panic in his eyes.
"Who are you? Where am I?" Alfred said so quickly that you could barely understand him.
"Alfred, you're in the hospital…you got into a car crash." You said, taking his hand.
He jerked his hand away. "I…I don't like it here! I don't even know how to drive! I wanna go home!" America cried, suddenly bursting into sobs…sobs like that of a child…
You looked to Matthew with a solemn expression, opposite to his rather flabbergasted one.
"Matthew…I don't think he knows who he is…" you said blinking a few times.
"I know who I am! Don't ignore me!" America whined. "Wh-why am I here? I'm scared! I want to leave! I'm hurting all over!" he said, continuing to sob with his hands balled into fists, rubbing his eyes.
His memory…you understood now. It was. Totally. Wiped. Out. And when you said wiped out, you meant all the way back to his childhood…America was behaving like a child. But not just like any child…like an inexperienced and rather frightened child. America didn't understand that he was grown up at all.
'This is terrible…' you thought with tears. 'This……is all my fault….'